There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
