You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
