And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
