I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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