This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
