At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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