My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
