totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
