Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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