Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
