I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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