I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
