apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
whose ass print is on the piano?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
