That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
