my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
pray to the hookup gods
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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