If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i think my cat just said my name.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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