Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
