i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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