So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
