He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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