You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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