alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
