sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize