I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
