I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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