i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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