mondays should just be called national damage control day
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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