My room smells like vodka and shame
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
