Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize