The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
