You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
