The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
