he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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