and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
