In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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