anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
