So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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