I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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