My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
That reminds me...we need to get swords
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
