yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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