very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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