Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
