the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
