we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
do nipples grow back?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
