You made me cry and you don't even care
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
