I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
