It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He passed out mid-signature
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
