i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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