Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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