What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
