New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
God, I missed his penis.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
