meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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