At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
