Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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