I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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