Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
