i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
