Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
