Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
