she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
