Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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