I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
