Grow some girl-balls and come out already
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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