No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
So. Much. Porn.
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