Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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