I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
