my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
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