whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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