Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
