today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry my hands just texted you
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
