I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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